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this is the last time every time

by mineral girls

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1.
makeshift ghost sends another text message this one says, "maybe i could be your inhaler" to which i replied, "death to white light, long live yellow light" and i smoked until i was out of breath no fresh air ever again (never again that's it) i am incapable of taking care of myself or being happy i am in love with everyone and terrified of everything if there is a reason for living i'm definitely blowing it night shift ghost sends another karaoke thing says, "baby we could be parallel lines moving in the same direction forever without ever meeting" to which i replied, "that sounds fine, when do we start?" i am incapable of taking care of myself or being happy i am in love with everyone and terrified of everything if there is a reason for living i'm probably already blowing it after all, i'm not really trying to do any better, i'm just trying to make it look i am
2.
it doesn't matter how you get the money just get it to me as soon as you can two hundred fifty thousand dollars and everything goes according to plan i've got the police chief's niece and i wouldn't hurt a hair on her head but i guess i cant say the same for the people that i work with my two best friends frequent AA and i brought a water bottle filled with rum to work today but it's okay because i'm not the one with the problem, man i don't know how to break this to you but you were never drunk in that dream though I'm slowly starting to learn that dreaming is just lying to yourself in your sleep
3.
if comedy is tragedy plus time, then one day this will be the funniest thing i have ever seen bullet points that are just rolled up dollar bills enthralled, super fun, enrolled in soft pay i'll take it all i'll take it all, ok if it feels good, do it if it doesn't feel good, you're probably gonna do it anyway because by now we've all learned that bad feelings are the only ones that stay swallow the leader, eat your food there's not that big of a difference between dinner theater and spending the night screaming in your dining room i'll take it all i'll take it all, ok leaning up against the coast fairly soft you have everything but you still lost this is the last time it's enough when it's enough but it never is addicted not to substance but to sequence this is the last time
4.
could tell a stranger everything except there's no such thing as everything and strangers don't exist you probably could say that i wanna get caught so i would have to make a decision or stop this is the last time every time i saw god again when i was last in connecticut they were drunk as hell talking about how conscious thought was an accident and how they're scared of everything that they've made they said, "you are just like the universe constantly experiencing yourself and everything else is just experiencing you. everything that could be happening is happening, right? and both nothing and everything are things that could be happening, so therefore both nothing and everything are constantly happening. and a hypothetical nothing would have to contain within itself the idea of nothing. a perfect void still contains within itself the idea of being a void. does that make any sense?" so then i uhh took a sip from my whiskey and I looked god straight in the eyes and i said, "this is the last time every time"
5.
practice makes perfect and wanting makes worse i can't even begin to explain the difference to you, man the bruise on we doesn't mean anything, necessarily we might just bruise easily, man all of the world's most beautiful imagery is associated with something that i can't relate to I could have love literally projecting from my chest and you would still slap the back of my neck and say, "shut up and be more careful"
6.
(what a weird way we went swimming) how I'm doing only matters in relation to you self as other other as object the grass is always greener or some shit like a bridge over what our heart is a coke drip or something forever like a bridge over what we have nothing in common but the illusion of being together (it's starting to feel like we're just brimming) threw ourselves a birthday party hoping everyone would show up decided we didn't want to go stayed home and got drunk like a bridge over what our heart is a coke drip or something forever like a bridge over what we have nothing in common but the illusion of being together
7.
it's right above you in every city isn't it crazy that you can start including someone else into your own concept of what living means? happy heartbroke you i'm gonna love you until i'm late for work and then i'm gonna love myself i cant speak in absolutes i guess i'm sorry but anything less than abstract is boring i'm gonna love you until i'm late for work and then i'm gonna love myself happy heart broke you or you and i but just kind of i'm gonna love you until i'm late for work and then i'm gonna love myself
8.
i hope that hell exists for donald trump and the babysitter that made me touch his dick but not for anyone i love not my family, not my grandparents you are what you are, what you do when you're alone cocaine, jerking off, staring at your phone it's unsettling let's take medicine i've been meaning to call my cousin and ask when it was she knew she needed help let's take medicine until this goes away
9.
it took me twenty five years to learn to accept my body what other awful shit will i accept by the time i'm fifty? if i could even bear to live with myself for that long it's probably too early to start drinking if at this time, on any other day, you're usually not even awake yet it's whatever, man i get it you've made it this far i get it it's whatever, man i get it you've made it this far this is the only way to live

about

special thanks to:
krif bilbert, gabe abaud, bill shouldis, josh robbins, victor glass, bo white, dylan fleming, caleb allgood, the milestone crew, eric smeal, kris roe, benjamin lee, mike’s grocery, dylan wachman probably, brett’s dad, the rest of our friends and family, and anyone who has ever booked us anywhere or let us sleep on their floor. we love you all.

credits

released October 13, 2017

on this recording mineral girls is:
brett green,
vince d’ambrosio,
audrey ayers,
and cory cooper.

all songs by mineral girls.
lyrics by brett green.
©2017 cactus made out of pennies.

recorded, mixed, and mastered by kris hilbert at legitimate business in greensboro, north carolina.

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mineral girls Charlotte, North Carolina

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